Midori, sans liqueur.

Normally I don’t think much of fire alarms, but as I hobbled around my apartment trying to gather a bail bag as quickly as possible, I started to worry a little bit - I could hear, “This is not a drill”. I knew what I wanted to grab and where it all was, but it was difficult to rush. Still, shouldn’t be a problem, I’ve “escaped” countless fire alarms in my life with possessions safe in hand…

Read More

My surgery was covered by my insurance. I was not even able to book an appointment until my insurance coverage was cleared in network and “sufficient” by the hospital. My hospital bill still included charges such as:

• $1,700 - Gauze and cotton ($.99 at CVS)
• $800 - Recovery room (I was awake right after procedure and was taken home immediately)
• $8,000 - Anesthesia (administered by the in-network hospital but billed through a separate out-of-network company which I had no knowledge of beforehand)

Are you f*cking serious? How does this country’s healthcare system even work?!

My leg muscles have atrophied quite a bit in the past 2.5 weeks of prone CPM use. Two decades of serious dance training gone in less than a month - The physical size difference between my two legs is crazy to see.

Besides the atrophy, I can’t move my quad whatsoever. I didn’t notice since I was locked in a full-leg brace this whole time and was using my hip muscles to swing it while on crutches. I assumed I couldn’t actually lift my leg due to the sheer weight of the brace and maybe a little atrophy.

I was dumbfounded as I sat on the table at PT, mentally willing my thigh/kneecap to move… Aaaand nothing. It’s like the imaginary cable between my brain and thigh was cut. I expected pain and swelling to be the worst of my problems, not a neuromuscular shut down.

A good half hour was devoted to the poor PT tapping my leg while I willed it to move. The most I got was a small twitch, and it was so bizarre to have my leg unresponsive despite all my concentration. They then hooked up a TENS unit, cranked it up, and scared me with my own leg’s huge involuntary jerk.

I can now twitch it a little more often, and per instruction, I’m spending all day thinking and willing it to twitch. It’s actually mentally exhausting. Sometimes I try to move the leg for shits and giggles and am totally creeped out all over again as it sits there prone, barely a part of me.

The good news is that religious CPM use has kept my knee flexible. As long as I support my lower leg, I can move it freely up to 90°. My hamstring, calf, ankle, foot, and toes are also perfectly functional so I can crutch around just fine. The PT says the rest will take months.

On goals:

• I weaned myself off of opiates by the 10 day mark, woo! The doctor had given me nearly a month’s worth, so I’m pretty happy. I had some serious withdrawal symptoms the day I stopped, so I’m really glad I got myself off sooner than later.
• Working on the German.
• It is nearly impossible to get caught up on correspondences, from texts to chats to emails. It never ends.
• Got tickets to the US v DE game, now arranging travel :)